Conflict Resolution Training: Give Up Your Need To Be Right

In a conflict, people typically argue for their positions because everyone thinks he/she is “right.” Movement towards resolution will not take place until someone is willing to “give up the need to be right.” Notice, I didn’t write, “give up your need.” I wrote, “give up your need to be right.” When you’re willing to do so, you’ll often find that the other person is willing to do so as well.

You can signal your willingness to do so by listening to the other person’s position BEFORE giving your opinion. Often, people remain in conflict because they don't feel they've been heard and understood.

Do this the next time you're in a conflict: Paraphrase, to the satisfaction of the other person(s) what he/she has said BEFORE giving your opinion. Keep asking, "Is there anything else you want to say?" and keep paraphrasing until THEY’RE sure you really have understood THEM. Work to understand others before trying to have them understand you.

As you continue paraphrasing, you’ll notice that the other person seems less and less argumentative. Paraphrasing ensures that you will resolve conflicts faster than before and to the greater satisfaction of those involved.

Try it for yourself and see!